& they fell in ♥

I often get this question about me & Alex: How are you guys doing? Is he the one? etc., and I have a little "rant" that I would like to go on this evening if you don't mind. People have such speculations about love & marriage, and I just want to write what I think and believe in my heart about such an important area of each of our lives. I hear so many people say, "You're so young to even be thinking about getting married," and "You're not ready to get married," but what really makes a couple ready to get married? I honestly respect each and every person's opinion and conviction about these questions, but I am going to offer my own for now.

I can honestly say that I am 100%, head over heels, in love. Love isn't just a feeling, it is a choice and a commitment. Many days you can very much dislike the other person, but when you're in love, you choose to love that person, regardless of your feelings. Love is there the next day and the day after, no matter what. I hear so many times on television to "follow your heart," but instead, we should lead our hearts, because feelings and emotions are constantly changing. Especially as women, our feelings can change by the hour even. :) But I think that over time, when a couple feels with their hearts and their heads and commit to be there for the other person, regardless of feelings at that moment, than love can truly be found. I have been dating Alex for almost 2 years, and I love him with my whole heart. We've lived in the same city, the same house even *he lived with my family last summer* but have also spent great lengths of time away, and still I find myself completely infatuated with that boy, that man that God has made perfectly for me. Sometimes we agree and share the same exact opinions on the same thing that I think that he is just agreeing with everything that I say, but no, we honestly do have the same heart for the same issues and areas of life that are so very important. I think it is SO important for couples to agree on issues, especially ones that involved marriage, because when you decide, "hey, we are going to get married, and we'll handle this problem when we get to it in a few years," but it's not realistic. People don't just change their minds on what they believe because someone else said they should change. The person that you are meant to be with should share those same values and priorities if you expect things to work out. I'm not saying that you should always agree, because of course, people won't always agree on everything. We're human. I like certain pizza toppings and Alex likes certain pizza toppings. I may handle grief or praise in a different way that Alex handles grief or praise, but when it comes to finances, life, parenting, communication, and other aspects of a marriage relationship, than both people should be on the same page, even before they get engaged.

Communication is also an important aspect of every relationship. You have to be willing to share your heart with someone and also listen when they are sharing what they hold inside them. One person cannot always be dominating a relationship. When that happens, the other person, if they just take it and say nothing, bottle up everything inside themselves then they can most likely come to resent that other person or just explode one day. It is important for couples to be able to say what they feel without fearing the other's reaction. It is also important on how a couple handles conflict. One person cannot always "win" an argument. If a couple has an argument and there actually is a... how so I say this... "correct side," that the person who was wrong needs to be able to humbly accept what is true, and the other should not boast or say, "I told you so," but humbly love that other person in their defeat and move on. Now if it is just an issue regarding opinion, than couples should compromise so that each is satisfied with the end result. Communication is also important regarding big decisions. One person cannot handle situations alone because marriage and relationships require teamwork. I love Alex for how he always asks my opinion, and I cherish the times when I call him to ask him his advice on a particular issue in my life. I trust him, that he is going to tell me the truth, in complete honesty, even if it means that I am wrong. I know he will push me to make the right choices and that he is always on my side. There are no secrets, and a good relationship can have none. There was one time when I really messed up in mine & Alex's relationship... I was completely ashamed with how I handled a certain situation, and I was for sure that he would just not speak to me and even possibly break up with me because he didn't deserve what I had done. I could have hid it and never told him and lived with it until the day I died, but I couldn't. I cried, and I told him, and I will never forget the first words that came from his mouth: "It's ok. I forgive you." I always have grasped the concept of God's forgiveness and the price Christ paid to forgive our sins, and I have just accepted it, but when Alex said those words I immediately resorted to, "but you can't. It's too bad. You have to get mad at me or walk away while I beg for forgiveness," but that didn't happen. It was grace, and it was hard to accept. Right there and then was the first time that I really realized how difficult God's grace should be to accept. We SHOULD accept it, but at the same time, we should be so thankful and so in awe that God would do that for us, mere humans. It was a day that I will never forget, and I am thankful for such honesty and such openness in mine & Alex's relationship.

So what else prepares a couple for marriage? Well, finances of course. When you get married you are completely on your own. Car payments, house payments, insurance, groceries, gas, medical bills, phone bills, utilities, tithing, entertainment, etc. You have to be able to provide for yourselves and also be prepared to provide for a child, if God should bless you with one. No matter if you are planning for a child or not, a married couple should be able to provide for one because face it, children are a big possibility when ... well when a man & woman love each other. :) It happens and couples should be prepared!

So this all is part of what I think makes up a good marriage: Commitment, Trust, Honesty, Finances, Shared Values etc. Of course there is more, but hey, this is a blog not a book. :) & I KNOW that Alex is that special one that I will someday commit to FOREVER & ALWAYS, no matter what. And yes, I plan on getting married before I graduate from college which is when I will be 22. And yes, I know that we are young, but never once before did I say that age was what made up a good marriage. Me and Alex are like the same person. We share the same Christian values with no exceptions. Christ is #1 in our relationship, and what the Bible says will always direct our relationship and future. We are completely honest with one another. We share a trust that nobody could break. In 1 year I could completely give my life to him. I trust him with my future. We are able to provide for ourselves even if we don't "have" to right now. Yes, I live with my parents, and they pay for practically everything that I have. I only pay part of my car payment, gas, and entertainment, but in reality, Alex & I could pay for all of that. Finances are not an issue at all, and we are both working and saving and could provide for ourselves and a child, if after we were married happened (accidentally of course) before we were done with school. I'm just in this waiting period of life, and I cannot stand it, but I've learned to accept it and be content. My whole life is a waiting process... I am waiting while I am in school for a degree so that I can have a certain salary so that I can... and it goes on and on. I am waiting until I am older so that people will take my intentions with love & marriage seriously. I am waiting and while I am waiting, I am experiencing this wonderful thing called love. It is love; I have no doubt. But what ever happened to "love is the only thing that matters." If you look at that statement, you would probably be skeptical, but isn't love, TRUE LOVE, all that matters? We wouldn't have a hope, a future without the love of Christ. Marriages wouldn't be healthy and complete without TRUE love. So, yes, I am 19. That is a fact. It is something that I can't change. I am halfway done with college. It's not my fault that I skipped a grade. It's not my fault that I will graduate college when I am barely 22 years old. It's how my life is. I was always told to graduate from college before I got married, but still, people tell me 22 is too young. Since when do we have to put an age on love? No, I am not trying to be extreme and all about 16 year olds getting married in high school because they think that they are in love. I am all about being realistic. So that's why I say if a couple is TRULY in love, able to afford a comfortable life for themselves and a child, if they are completely truthful with everything and agree on the most important things than why not? Why can't they get married at 20, 21, 22, 23? People who try to tell me that I am too young have their hearts and minds set in the traditional way of doing things. I respect their opinions, but in my heart I will have to gracefully consider but also decline those same opinions. Love is love. Christ's love is the most perfect and precious and example. Sacrifice is necessary, but I am willing to sacrifice everything and all that I am for those that I love: my God, my family and my Alex. ♥

- b -